Clement’s Experience (Facilitator) [he/him]

Being a facilitator for the Work On The Self Programme has been an interesting one. Here a few excerpts from my own blogpost. I’d like to think that my thoughts here were always in the process of developing and they are not my final thoughts on matters but we are documenting the search right? So I thought this would shed some light on how the journey has been. 

Question: How do we care for someone? 

‘Hmm, idk how, like i dont have a formula but i realised, there is a lot moments where i asked myself is it a experience(ie what i experience?/ is it a truth?) For example, if instruction was to sit on a chair, participants decide to stand on it. Ok i go up to participants and say, you are supposed to sit on the chair. Participants says, i have an association, I experience maybe exhibition, the act was performative. I feel its performative. (can i feel that, hmmm) Do i tell participant? I realised more often than not, i let participants search. And at the end of it, asking what do you experience, and search with the participants rather than trying to interpret and find the ‘truth’ about the participants. ‘ 

From this session, I learnt that the(my) form of caring does not have to be such that I have my own take of what’s the person’s situation is exactly and find some way to address the issue. Instead, it is to allow space for the person’s truth and mine to exist. Because all our stories matter. 

Question: How can we continue caring for each other as a team so that we can care for them?

I think it is about keeping the space for the participants with care. It is about keeping the space. I think for me i have to care at a distance - I tend to go quite closely to make sure my presence is there but i think that i have to give that up. Weirdly this need to go and be present is somewhat a conditioned need of me. Maybe it came from NS but i have a feeling it came from a position of being who i am - like a big brother and the supposedly more mature son of the family. Weirdly, I think I have to be there but sometimes i hate being there. And knowing being whats conditioned and what is the moment where i want to care is important. I want to care. And caring can happen at a distance. Caring doesnt have to be staring at someone eyes to care. 

From that session, I struggle a little trying to understand my previous version of care. I have always been a people pleaser, so I tend to care very closely. I want to get to know someone for instance. But sometimes, I have had relationship where the caring made me for the lack of a better word – sad. Hahah. I somehow then discovered, I care best, when I have care for myself. I care best, when I want to care. My previous relationships sometimes have taught me that care can only be care when it is given at a time when it is seemingly impossible to give. And paradoxically, that will be the most unconditional care. As for this statement. I don’t have an answer for it. I am still searching. But I realised, caring from a distance does not mean it is a lesser form of care than caring closely. I also recognized that they are possibly more ways of caring not just from a distance perspective haha. 

I think the journey has begun and it is still going. But these are my findings(and they might change) on being a facilitator on the WOTS programme – because we are always finding aren’t we?