Aadya’s Experience (Facilitator) [she/her]
A lot of the process of facilitation for me was challenging assumptions, challenging natural habits, challenging the ‘should’, and trusting my impulses. It was a transformative journey mirroring the ones I had as a participant.
The first few weeks as a facilitator were especially difficult because I unknowingly had expectations of what a ‘good facilitator’ was, and kept trying to reach that goal. It led me to forcefully fit not only myself but the participants’ experiences into a box of what I thought ‘work on the self’ was. These expectations were not intellectual, they were deeply rooted in my assumptions of power and facilitation. While trying to shed these expectations of trying to be a ‘good facilitator’, I came across questions that I am still fighting with, like:
What is the role of the facilitator even? Why am I the person wearing the black/red split shirt when it is not upon me to direct the participant’s journeys?
If the participants are on their own journeys, what does the facilitator do except to provide space?
How do I let the participants carve out their own personal journey without making assumptions of what that journey even is?
How do I relate to each participant without trying to dictate or ‘understand’?
What questions will allow this participant to continue exploring instead of staying in the ‘known’? Should I even ask these questions or instead give participants space to come to it themselves? Who am I to say or do anything when I’m so nascent in my own journey?
How do my ‘mistakes’ affect the participants and their journeys? Can I ever be a facilitator that doesn’t make ‘mistakes’?
The best part of my journey as a facilitator was moments when a participant would make a surprising leap or unexpected insight. Each time it happened, it felt like a sudden puff of fresh-smelling flowers to me. In latter sessions, these leaps became both stronger and frequent as the participants related to each other. It was because of this that I came to appreciate how important time, especially time outside each session, and the presence of others is on this journey of the self.
I am incredibly thankful to the participants and my fellow facilitators for letting me join them in this journey they took over the last 10 weeks, for caring for me and letting me care for them and for creating a space where we could all grow.
